more Ted videos

Yep, Ted is back with two brand-new episodes. And she's as incredulous as ever as The Guy Who Talks To Ted pays her another antagonizing visit at her desk in one episode, and dreams about her in the other, much freakier, much stranger episode. I recommend watching the latter after taking two Smints, putting one under the tongue and one in the anus. That's a Smint in the pink, and a Smint in the stink.

Enjoy.

"Misrepresentings"

"The Dream About Ted"

bronze statues - addendum

I just saw this one yesterday. 

This thing is taller than me.

Again I ask you, who the hell is buying these things? Sure, the horse makes more sense than the life-size football player. But this is still a part of town, Chinatown that caters largely to tourists. That means they must ship their 850-lb bronze horse back home to Xenia, Ohio. Who the hell would do that? The fine residents of Xenia shouldn't have to tolerate old "Hi-Ho Bronzer, Away!" on their streets.

But I think I'm beating around the bush and avoiding the real issue here.

There are drugs stuffed up this horse's ass. There's no other explanation. That's how this store can keep a constant flow of giant, tacky bronze statues in and out and shipping all over the world. Yep, drugs up the asses.

Sorry Xenia.

bronze statues

As I walk through Chinatown on my way to and from work each day, I pass many shops specializing, whether they acknowledge it or not, in what can only be described as "odd curiosities". Now most of these curiosities are cheap little knickknacks, aimed at tourists. You've got your rice hats, your plastic swords and your snap pops.

And then there are the life-sized bronze statues. 

There's the classic life-sized bronze lion. 

This one I guess I could understand as a gift for the curator of the Art Institute in Chicago. Or if you're buddies with the Emperor of the Ming Dynasty.

Then there's the life-sized bronze bench, complete with bronze kids.

Uh... What's going on here? I ordered a bench. You know, for sitting. Why would you permanently affix bronzed children onto the center of the bench, the part most likely to support my ass? This is kinda creepy. You didn't just Han Solo some innocent children at rest, did you? If so, selling this bench is an extremely risky way to cover up your heinous crime.

And just the other day, I passed this statue.

You gotta be shittin' me. That's what I said to myself as I fumbled in my pocket for my iPhone to a) snap this picture and b) call my priest to tell him hell had bronzed over. Whichever metallurgy whiz came up with this one was tragically unfamiliar with the buying habits of American sports fans. 

The thing is, these things cannot be cheap. Yet, judging by the frequency with which they're unloaded from delivery trucks each week, they're selling like hotcakes. Monstrous, metallic, eyesores of hotcakes.

But I guess that's the good news. If people are using their disposable (quite disposable in this case) income on these abominations (abronzinations?), we've gotta be pulling out of this whole recession/depression thing. 

Thank God for that.

think you're depressed?

At least you're not this server. Poor thing. 

Whoever did that site deserves a nice, virtual pat on the back. It's not often I stop for three whole minutes on a website that isn't facebook, the onion or emusic. 

And there's not much to this one. Just a sad, sad piece of modern technology.

this just in...

Pandas can't slide.

1969

Do you ever get the feeling that 1969 is spying on us?

No? Maybe this will change your mind. It's a video from 1969 (I know this to be true because that particular year appears above the video, and YouTube wouldn't lie to me) explaining the Internet, only they didn't call it the Internet. 

I thought the whole thing was really freaky, especially considering the Internet was all shiny and new in the 90s. In 1969, the idea of shopping and banking from a console in your home must've seemed downright Orwellian. 

But the thing that I noticed most was the way the voiceover sounded exactly like every filmstrip I ever watched as a kid in school. Who was that guy? (Not Troy McClure, but close...)

new video

By popular demand. (Two people count as "popular" right?)

It's the latest episode from the office where Ted works. Seems they have casual Fridays there. Or do they?*

Watch the episode here.

*Yes, they do.

walkin' for CF

Dear friends and blog followers (whom I also consider friends, even if we've only "virtually" met), 

You know most of the time how walking merely transports you from one place to another? Well, I'm going to try a new kind of walking. Space-age walking, you might say. If you're into exaggerating. 

What I'm going to do is try to walk and do some good at the same time.

I'll be taking part in the Great Strides walk here in San Francisco on May 2 to benefit Cystic Fibrosis. I'm supposed to say something here about how "soon CF will stand for Cure Found" and "with great strides come great results".

But what I'll say instead is that my nephew is a beautiful little kid, all of one year old, who has no idea he's got a lifelong battle against a really tough condition. Luckily, he's one tough kid. Here's some evidence of that.

If you're not familiar with Cystic Fibrosis, read about it here.

Then think about using the link below or the widget above (hitting you from two sides, I know).

http://www.cff.org/great_strides/DanielHofstadter

Thanks. And (aside from the benevolence that naturally arises from "zany" music reviews and quasi-funny rants) thanks for letting me do some real good through my blog.

- Dan

music - Cave Singers

Just caught these guys opening for Dr. Dog at the Fillmore last night. Great show by both bands. No surprise from Dr. Dog, whose live shows have been much heralded in the blogosphere.

But I was surprised at the Cave Singers, with their sparse rhythms and impressive, almost evil finger-picking on the guitar. They channeled something. The show was last night, and I downloaded the Cave Singers album "Invitation Songs" this morning. 

Really interesting stuff. And I don't mean "interesting" as in: 

"How do you like my Crocs, Gwyneth?" 

"Interesting."

I mean that the Cave Singers are from Seattle, and they're trying for an original, low-key yet intense sound that's very interesting. Could easily be the music stoners sit around discussing in hushed tones, but could also fit as party music for some friends who crave cool, new artists.

Check out the standout tracks "Helen" and "Dancing On Our Graves". Then, and only then, will I allow you to have a good weekend. 

black cab sessions

Black Cab Sessions is one of my favorite sites. It's a bunch of videos of bands sitting in the back of a cab playing one of their songs. The cab just drives around London, bouncing the passengers around, and the band has to play through it. 

As the band tries to maintain their concentration, it's fun to watch the pedestrians on the street as this inexplicably musical cab passes by.

Really fun, simple idea. A Webby Award sort of idea. Uh-huh.

These are some of my favorite "sessions":

Spoon 

The New Pornographers (my fave)

Calexico 

Cold War Kids 

My Morning Jacket 

Brian Wilson (man, he still sounds good)

Bon Iver 

The Cool Kids (freestyle rap in the back of a cab? believe it)

Fleet Foxes 

Peter, Bjorn & John (with Bjorn strangely missing)

nice work, andy

And the award for Least Creative Graffiti goes to...

Shoot. If only the artist left us some indication of who we have to thank for this masterwork.

Alas, this colorless, plain-script tag - we'll call it "Andy" - will forever be mired in anonymity. The expert craftsmanship and dedication to detail, however, will be on full display until it rains or someone grabs a sponge. 

Spotted this in San Francisco's Financial District on California St. between Kearny and Grant, if anyone cares to glimpse transcendence... while it lasts.

keyboard drum set

The title of this post should really read "keyboard drum set/synthesizer", but I prefer brevity and loathe slashes. Damn all slashes to hell!

So... I like drums, beats, percussion, rhythm and repetition. And repetition. And old jokes. My drum set at home is my favorite toy (just ask my wife, who bought it for me, then immediately regretted it, but you get what you pay for baby, and last time I checked, love ain't on sale). But I never thought I'd be able to use my computer's keyboard as my very own rhythm section. 

Enter this strange, little site. It assigns a drum or synthesized sound to each key. All you do is figure out which ones you want to use, and away you go. (Spoiler alert: the M key is George Michael yelling "Damn!")

It's the next best thing to not being a huge nerd!

beige cartoons

I have a condition known as WADD, Web Attention Deficit Disorder. I don't talk about it much. But yes, I've got WADD. 

It basically means I fixate on one sexy, new website. Then I quickly lose interest and move on to the next hot, young website. I promise it's not as disgusting as it sounds.

But recently, I discovered how to make rudimentary videos on this site.

And despite my crippling WADD, I stayed on the site for more than 13 seconds. I even made a few videos. Check them out here: 

"Ted" 

"Preflight Announcements" 

"Guy In Garage"

"Thermostat"

"Ted's Beat"

batman-on-batman action

US disputes North Korea's "giant hot dog" launch

Washington (AP) - Top US intelligence officials disputed North Korea's claim it was going to launch a giant hot dog into space next month. The officials pointed out that the object on the launch pad in Pyongyang looked much more like a long-range nuclear missile than a giant hot dog.

"Who do they think they're fooling?" National Intelligence Director Dennis Blair said at a press conference Thursday. "There's no way that thing is a giant hot dog. It's a freaking missile. It looks just like all the other missiles they have." 

Still, North Korea has held fast to the giant hot dog claim, even writing a press release in English, urging Americans not to worry about "the big hot dog on the missile launch pad, which is totally a hot dog, not a missile."

Americans are not the only ones with doubts though. Japanese officials are among the skeptics. And six-time Hot Dog Eating Champion and Japanese resident Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi has been enlisted as an expert to investigate North Korea's claim. 

"I see no evidence of lucky hot dog," Kobayashi said through an interpreter and a mouthful of Nathan's hot dogs and water. 

Back in the States, Blair agrees. He believes the whole thing is a ruse by North Korea to throw off American, Japanese and other international leaders by pretending their missile was a giant hot dog. 

But Blair's not buying it. "Where's the bun? Where's the relish? Wait, do Koreans even eat relish? Someone find out. I don't want to start an international incident here."

the revolution

I don't know if you've noticed, but there are signs of a movement everywhere. The people are putting actions behind their convictions. 

A revolution is underway. 

A vacuum revolution. 

And who is giving a voice to this revolution? James Dyson. Have you seen this assclown? Surely you've seen the ads. This incredibly arrogant descendent of British jerks tells us all the inspiring story of how he singlehandedly changed the vacuuming industry overnight. According to his website, all of us see faults in everyday products, but only Dyson has the courage, infinite free time and funding to improve them. And his super-sucky designs have brought him fame and riches of over $6 billion. And he's going to spend millions in advertising to make sure you know it, regardless of coming off as an unrepentant, pretentious asshole. If you haven't used his vacuums, you've probably dried your hands in his airport hand dryer, for which he'll surely find a way to charge and demean you. He even has his own foundation and annual award, both of which he named after himself. 

Okay, we get it Dyson. You're the goddam modern-day Galileo. But I've got news for you, Dy-Vinci. (These renaissance jokes doing anything for you?) The world already has a Vizier of Vacuum Vanity. His name is David Oreck, owner and star of his own self-named vacuum company. And according to his website, he's a much bigger badass than your wildest dreams could ever aspire to hope for. Oreck drives mint-condition motorcycles to work, pilots his own biplanes, and refuses to even think about retiring, even though riding motorcycles and flying in open-air cockpits at 85 years old probably endangers dozens of lives. What a rebel! Oreck even joined the Army Air Corps (what the Air Force used to be called before jet engines were invented) at the age of 17. And that's not even legal! 

So what are you gonna do now, Dyson? Oreck just owned you in this vacuum magnate pissing contest I just made up. He's more experienced, rebellious, reckless and maverick-y than you'll ever be, Dyson. 

And he speaks American. Face it, Dyson. Oreck was saving your country's ass when your diapers were clogging your mommy's vacuum. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Katie's wedding

My cousin Katie got married last weekend in Amelia Island, Florida to Jeb, a really good guy. It was a very fun wedding, and I got to spend a lot of time with my nephew, the happiest baby on Earth. I might do a study on what makes babies smile, or why it's so utterly delightful for us adults to watch. (See the absurd number of hits on this video.)

names I've been called by bums

The city of San Francisco has a personality unlike any other. There's beauty in the landscape and surrounding water, and in the architecture. There's a unique balance of being a center of business, finance and the arts, while owning a pervasive attitude of tolerance throughout the city. 

And there are a shitload of bums here. Not the attack-you-in-Central-Park kind of bums or the OD'ed-on-meth-and-crank-and-passed-out-in-a-dumpster kind of bums (although drugs are a large part of many bums' daily lives). SF homeless, by and large, are a more pensive, intellectual breed. Sure, they will panhandle and ask for money. But they'll also cite the Wall Street Journal and Voltaire at you as you pass by. 

One bum even defended my wife's honor. She was walking on a main street, passing by an alley, when a bum in the alley began to pee on a building, not unusual behavior for a man without a home. But then another bum, let's call him Hero Bum, got in Peeing Bum's face and yelled, "You can't whip that out in front of a lady, man! Have some respect!" Hero Bum then apologized to my wife for the poor judgement the other man exhibited in "his neighborhood". And they say street chivalry is dead.

That said, we've also almost been peed on walking down the street too. 

The following is a list of things SF bums have yelled at me. Notice the tendency to avoid clichés in favor of creative spontaneity.

"Mr. Rotisserie!"

"Fortune 500? More like zero!"

"You're the Palo Alto of never!"

"It was the worst of times and the worst of times!"

"Death to Actors!"

"I put a curse on your children!"

"Obama wants you... to give me your spare change."

"Hollywood Hallelujah!"

"You wish faggot!" (this was yelled at me as I glanced at a toothless woman peeing in the street)

And that was just on the way to work this morning! Rimshot.

music - Hold Time by M. Ward

M. Ward has been described as a reincarnated Woodie Guthrie and a pre-incarnated Klaxtor McQuellsburg (who I believe will be a great folk/rock singer in 2051). He's the coolest folk-rocker out there today, and he's chugging right along with his latest LP.

Truth is, I could write absolutely anything that comes to mind about M. Ward and his album "Hold Time". Because what I write won't matter once you hear his music. I could call him a poet with the soul of a pirate, or the illegitimate son of Yasmine Bleeth and the Maytag Man. You'd still fall in love with his warm guitar picks and soothing voice. M. Ward is the rare musician whose music is both easy to access and deeply satisfying. 

But perhaps more importantly, he likes to dress up as the Easter Bunny and snack on pterodactyl embryos. 

It's true. Read about it on his site.

music - Fate by Dr. Dog

Looking for a band that isn't afraid to be huge fans of some of the best rock bands in history? Well, Dr. Dog has the prescription for you! 

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It's been more than a week since I last posted and I'm a little rusty. So I'm using puns to grease the wheels (see?). 

Bear with me. This band is worth hearing about. Contrary to their terrible and terribly deceptive name, Dr. Dog is a very talented and soulful band. Not a terrier who has completed medical school (I smell a sitcom!). 

Dr. Dog plays what could be described as really thoughtful pop/classic rock. But I like to describe Dr. Dog's album "Fate" like this. For every song they record, the band burns a copy of the Beatles' "Sergeant Pepper" with their own song hidden in there somewhere. Then they play it at a party to see if anyone notices or mentions that one song seems out of place. If no one notices, they keep the song for their next album. 

Not that Dr. Dog is purely derivative, but they're clearly trying to play with the big boys at the pinnacle of rock and roll. So they deserve to be judged by that standard. And tracks like Army of Ancients get this band with the awful name awful, awful close.

Here's Dr. Dog's weird website.

Pantalaine

Okay, let me try and compose myself for this post. 

Um, I don't know how to tell you this but... you're blind. 

You're blind because you haven't seen anything until you've seen this site!

UN

BE

LIEV

A

BLE. 

Pantalaine.com sells what they describe as "plural clothing". Please take a moment and explore this site right now. 

There are sweatshirts built for lovers, pants with sleeves attached to them so up to four people can touch your leg, pants with a built-in baby onesie, and - the crown jewel of the collection - a "couch dress". I would like to remind those of you that haven't clicked these links to please do so right now.

I still haven't figured out if this is for real. And I can't decide if it would be more mind-blowingly brilliant if it was or wasn't. That, in itself, is an achievement. 

But if anyone knows someone who lives near South Bend, IN (a student at Notre Dame, perhaps), please ask them if they've been to this store. And then leave a comment below. I'm dying to know.

Sigh... If only every website made me feel like sharing clothes with everyone else online. 

Nut Snob

We've all heard that cliché about the French. Not the "froglegs/snails/cheese/body odor/surrendering to anything that represents a vague threat" thing, the snobby thing. Well apparently, it applies to French squirrels too.

Check out this video about a French squirrel who moves into a new neighborhood and thinks his, um, nuts are better than everyone else's. (His nuts are Emerald Nuts, you see.)

It was directed Terry Rietta, who did it all in his spare time for no money. Time well spent, if you ask me.

book - The Road

I just finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy. The story was fragile, terrifying and relentlessly bleak, and I haven't read a book that good in years*.

To be clear, The Road depressed the hell out of me. But in a way only beautiful art can. It never tried to pull at your heartstrings or put a smile on your face. The story was sad and hopeful and bleak naturally, in the same way McCarthy's No Country For Old Men was desperate and odd and funny.

Maybe I've been reading too much nonfiction lately, but the clean, minimalist style of this novel felt like a breath of fresh air to me. It read like poetry.

Incidentally, it's being made into a movie starring Viggo Mortensen, which means anyone who read the book first will sit in the theater with expectations set dangerously high. Right where they should be.

- - -

*Maybe since Then We Came To The End by Joshua Ferris.

Jumbotron Spazz

We can glean a few things about the subject of this video.

1. He's at least a mild basketball fan.

2. He's a huge Bon Jovi fan.

3. He doesn't mind hugging strangers.

4. He might've majored in interpretive dance.

5. He's about to be a huge internet star.

http://urbanpromoter.com/jumbotron-spazz/

Tahoe

Jill and I had a blast in Tahoe with Clayton, Matt, Wes and Julie.

Trip highlights:

- Skiing over, and repeatedly wiping out on, a big jump after watching Clayton and Matt nail the landing.

- Eating some fine cuisine cooked by my cabin mates: Chef Matt, Chef Julie, Chef Jill and Sous-Chef Clayton.

- The hot tub. It was hot and tub-shaped.

- Oh, and winning a shitload of money thanks to Julie "Tha Hustla" Holmes's lucky rolls at the craps table. 

Check out some more pics at my flickr page. (Photos courtesy of Clayton.)

words I use

Everything's meta today. Even today knows that.

In the interest of giving my blog a more postmodern feel, I've made some word clouds of words I use on this blog. The most frequently used words show up biggest. Seems I could've found another word for "umbrella". "Parasol", perhaps?

If you want to make your own word clouds, you can here. I had a lot of fun on this site. Wordle.net lets you insert huge amounts of text or just enter a url to create and customize a word cloud. You can also check out other people's creations, like this one that shows the top 75 words from Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities". Looks like literary geniuses use "said" just as often as the rest of us. 

my dog is on youtube

Q: Do you know any dogs on youtube?

A: Yes.

Q: Could you be more specific?

A: Absolutely.

Q: Could you be more specific now?

A: Sure.

Q: Quit being a dick.

A: Sorry. Yes, my dog is on youtube.

Q: Is that so?

A: Yes.

Q: Is there a link?

A: Yes.

Q: I'm going to punch you in the clavicle.

A: Fine, here's the link: Cia on Youtube 

Q: That was exhausting. Can I click on the link now?

A: What a strange question.

Super Furry Animals video

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll leave you with a link to a really cool music video I just rediscovered. I couldn't remember the name of the band, song or director for the longest time. 

Anyway, it's pretty damn impressive. Enjoy...

"At Least It's Not the End of The World" by Super Furry Animals

a history lesson

Don't worry. Not a real one. This is a fake history lesson, featuring my voice as President Garfield.

Check it out here: The Secret History of the Orange Underground

(Someone needs to tell these guys that YouTube is no place to keep your secret history.)

The 2009 DASBAA

The 2009 DASBAA (Dan’s Annual Super Bowl Advertising Analysis)

“Celebrating five years of overanalyzing ad minutiae.”

Welcome to the 2009 DASBAA. This year, I’m happy to announce that I’m being sponsored by Pepsi. But don’t worry, dear readers. I won’t let this affect my unconflicted interest of breaking down the most expensive, enticing and pepsi-riffic Super Bowl commercials this year has to offer.

It’s been a great year, friends. The Steelers became the winningest Super Bowl team ever, Kurt Warner’s wife became hot (by growing hair!), and some “amateurs” created the top-rated (by consumers who agreed to play with little dials instead of drinking beers during the game) ad of the big game. Is this pep-resentative of a larger trend? Let’s dig in…

(Follow along here: http://adage.com/article?article_id=134136 And vote for your favorites on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/superbowl)

- - -

In an effort to cover more spots without wearing out my keyboard, I’m going to make my commentary for the losers short, pithy and insulting. Basically, I’ll try to be Triumph the Ad Comic. So let’s skip ahead to the losers now.

Losers:

Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes – It’s sad when a spot opens on grass growing. And then it gets worse. And who let Tony the Molester build kids’ baseball fields as his community service?

Go Daddy – Go home. Danica Patrick isn’t that hot. Your ads aren’t smart. And your website is so cluttered and dysfunctional, it looks like it was designed by Muhammad Ali during an earthquake.

Castrol – A guy lets monkeys change his oil. This is what ads must look like in hell.

Sobe Life Water – Lizards and pro athletes dancing ballet. Was this the trailer for “Anaconda 4: The Reptiles Stole Our Ideas”? I mean gimme a Pepsi!

Bud Clydesdales – Anheuser-Busch should start making glue. Wait, maybe that’s what American Ale is. Yum… Beechwood-aged Clydesdale.

- - -

Winners:

Careerbuilder.com vs. Monster.com – This year was very interesting for the job search sites. Amid the worst recession this country has seen since Gorbechev’s forehead receded to show a map of Key West, the two largest job search sites, Career Builder and Monster, are running $3 million ads. Uh, I don’t think the problem is that people don’t know where to look for jobs. The problem is there aren’t any. But economics aside, these were two very funny, well-executed ads. I keep going back and forth on which I thought won the Super Bowl of Job Site Commercials. Both were es-pepsially sharp. Career Builder’s reasons why your job sucks (repeated with good comic timing) versus Monster’s moose head panning around to the moose’s ass… I think it’s a tie.

Cheetos –Prissy snob girl gets a flock of pigeons pooping on her after a snacker tosses a pile of Cheetos under her chair. Take that, you stuck up bitch! Shout out to my buddy Andy, who made this spot, and made it funny.

Hyundai – The Koreans get a nod here not for their ads, but for the offer. If you buy a Hyundai and lose your job in the next year, you can return the car to them with no damage to your credit. I wish I had a joke here. But it’s just a smart angle.

Coke – Bugs steal a sleeping picknicker’s Coke! Super-slick animation and some nice adventure-style direction. Sweet ad.

Denny’s – What if mobsters and cowboys ate candy-ass breakfasts? Funny stuff. And the dancing banana on top of the whip cream pancakes (“It’s Nannerpuss!”) that ran after the game was damn funny stuff.

Hulu – Alec Baldwin. You can’t trust him. You can’t look away. Hulu makes the claim that it’s easier than ever to turn your brain to mush by watching all your favorite shows online. I love honesty.

Pepsuber – Pepsi, having not had an original idea presented to them in years, wisely decided to latch onto a funny SNL sketch to sell their soda. McGruber, deftly played by Will Forte and assisted by the amazing Kristin Wiig and, well, MacGuyver, has to work his way out of yet another life-or-death situation with the time-bomb ticking down. Only this time, he’s shamelessly sponsored by Pepsi. Smart guy. He changes his name to “Pepsuber” and gets distracted by the refreshing taste of Pepsi before he can save the day. After careful consideration and unbiased deliberation among myself and my sponsor, this ad is the winner of the 2009 Pepsi Award for Pepsellence.

- - -

Also-Rans:

Bud Light Conan – Conan O’Brien is funny. Bud Light is a watered-down beer. Put them together and what do you get? A watered-down funny.

Cars.com – Nice storyline here. Probably could be a winner in another forum. But the Super Bowl is about beer, bitches and punching koalas.

Cash4Gold – Holy Potsmoking Creatives! What the hell just happened here? Did Ed MacMahon just sell his gold toilet to MC Hammer? I can’t call this one a loser since it’s so whacked out, but it’s definitely farther from being a winner.

Doritos – What is this? Amateur hour? Yes it is, actually. Well, kinda. Doritos asked consumers (read: out-of-work ad creatives) to send in their own ads (read: ask your out-of-work director friend for a favor). In the spot, a guy throws a crystal ball into a snack machine and then into his boss’s crotch. They safely avoided any class or artistic merit (but hey, we’re talking about artificially-flavored chips) in favor of slapstick humor. It worked. I laughed (despite myself). America voted. And a million bucks went to a couple dudes in Iowa. God Bless America and Pepsi.

E-Trade – The web-surfing baby strikes again. I can’t make this one a “winner” for two reasons. One, it’s the same idea from last year. Two, it’s a talking baby. Anything John Travolta made money doing, I can’t fall in love with. (Sorry, Stealth Bomber pilots.)

Miller High Life – Where were these ads? I didn’t see them. Either they didn’t show in the Bay Area or they pulled them at the last second. But I saw them ahead of time online, and they were hilarious. If you didn’t catch them, Miller did a bunch of random one-second ads (because High Life wouldn’t pony up enough money for a 30-second spot). Check them out online. Good stuff. They just can’t be winners if they don’t run.

Teleflora – I wanted to like this ad, the one with the talking flowers. But it was just a little too flat. The flower only said one line that was actually funny. It could’ve really torn into that poor girl some more (making Alice in Wonderland blush), knowing this was the Super Bowl audience, guys all geared up for raunchy jokes. It wasn’t a bad ad, but the potential was there to be much, much funnier.

- - -

There. Done. Hope you enjoyed this year’s DASBAAP (Dan’s Annual Super Bowl Advertising Analysis by Pepsi). Special thanks to all of the good ads and especially the terrible ones. Without you, what would we mock on Monday? (Kurt Warner’s feeble attempt to tackle on a 100-yard interception return, perhaps?) Pepsi.

early 200MINE new music

There have been a few hype-worthy albums released already this young year. Maybe people saw how it worked for Vampire Weekend last year to release an album before we even got over our champagne hangovers. Or maybe people are really aliens. Think about it.

Anyway, not only were these albums at the beginning of this year, they're at the beginning of the alphabet. AC Newman, Andrew Bird, Animal Collective and (travelling all the way down to "B") Bon Iver all put out records that helped make my 2009 start out all ablaze with accord. 

AC Newman's "Get Guilty" is a pop album from a pop mastermind for people who like pop-rock-n-roll. Pop, pop, pop. Newman is the frontman for one of my favorite pop bands The New Pornographers, and is adept at expertly-crafting melodies that are intelligent and fun at the same time. He's also Canadian. Think about it. Anyway, this album is so easy to get into ("Changeling" is a standout single) and is a great eye-opener for people who think of the All-American Rejects as the face of pop rock. 

Andrew Bird. Ah... Andrew Bird. That's my reaction to his new album "Noble Beast". I just love this guy. And I can't possibly match his wit or gift for prose. Bird is a classically trained musician (read: he plays the violin and lays off the drum machine), so his whimsical lyrics dance playfully off his arrangements. (See? I can't out-Bird Bird.) From the get-go, Bird's trademark whistling and silky-smooth voice dig in with "Oh No" and other standouts on the album include (but are not limited to) "Fitz and the Dizzy Spells" and "Anonimal", in which I can already picture every fan at his show singing along sincerely to the lyrics "Hold on just a second, don't tell me this one, you know I know this song, I love this song". So true. 

Next up is Animal Collective's "Merriweather Post Pavilion", certainly a salute to Merriweather Lewis of Lewis and Clark and their incredible journey to the west coast of North America. Or another vague indie album title. Either way. This album has received the most acclaim and buzz of all this month, but I'll just admit it now: I don't really get it. Not that that prevents me from enjoying this fuzzy, electro-experiment of layered sound and vocals. Maybe it's good that I don't get it. I don't get how that douchebag "daredevilled" his dirtbike on top of Paris Las Vegas on New Year's Eve. But it was clearly awesome. Me understanding why it's awesome has nothing to do with it being awesome. And that's a relief. "My Girls" is especially reassuring.

Finally, Bon Iver put out an EP (which I believe stands for Elvis Poops, but somehow means a shorter-than-normal album) this month called "Blood Bank". If you haven't had a chance to experience "For Emma, Forever Ago", his LP (which means a normal-length album, and I believe was named for Luke Perry), you really should. At the risk of taking on the tone of your annoying little cousin on facebook that thinks he or she knows everything about anything that's cool... Bon Iver is so hawt!!! LMAO!!! Seriously though, he's amazing. This EP is too short to really show the breadth of what this supremely low-key and emotionally evocative singer/songwriter can do. But I love it. The track "Woods" is a freaky, freaky, haunting vocal piece that I can't stop listening to. It makes me want to befriend a cactus and drive my futuristic space car into a lake. Think about it.

Looking to prioritize your early season purchases? Of course you are, you recession-proofer. I'd say... Bird, then Bon Iver, then Animal Collective, then AC Newman. But like any good dryer sheets, they're all worth a spin. 

Mendo Trip

Jill and I spent last weekend up near Mendocino. Pretty beautiful up there. And beautifully pretty.

Here are some photos near the cabin we stayed in, the tiny town of Mendocino and the nearby redwood forest. The cabin was sandwiched between some steep hills covered in forest and the ocean. It's very remote up there, so we couldn't use our cell phones or two-way pagers. 

Visit my flickr page to see more photos in a sensical photo layout. God love you blogspot, you have absolutely no idea how to lay photos out.